Originally posted 5/15/04
Laws of Attraction
Director: Peter Howitt
Writers: Aline Brosh McKenna and Robert Harling, from a story by Aline Brosh McKenna
Producers: David T. Friendly, Marc Turteltaub, Beau St. Clair, Julie Durk, David Bergstein
Stars: Pierce Brosnan, Julianne Moore, Michael Sheen, Parker Posey, Frances Fisher, Nora Dunn
Who are these people? I shouldn’t be so confused about the desires and emotions of the lead characters of Laws of Attraction, especially since it goes to the trouble of thumping me over the head with them every two or three minutes. The only rational conclusion is that they aren’t behaving like human beings. The movie is a much more relaxing experience once you’ve decided that.
Let’s start with their jobs. Both Daniel Rafferty (Brosnan) and Audrey Woods (Julianne Moore) are billed as divorce attorneys who’ve “never lost a case!” I may be ignorant, of course, but since divorce settlements are often about negotiation and grudging compromise, wouldn’t the win-lose dynamic not apply in a great number of cases? Maybe they just skip those cases to pad their record.
We meet Woods “tagging along” and taking surreptitious notes while her mother (Frances Fisher) tours the expensive townhouse of her latest target. Then, having lunch afterwards, she says something which amounts to “Yes! This information is just what I need to succeed at the big, important case which I, a divorce lawyer, am undertaking.”
Never mind that her mother knows both her profession and the purpose of their subterfuge. The information is for us. I half-expected the screen to freeze and a guy to walk in front of it and say “See how successful she is? You too can become a high-powered divorce attorney like this, by following our series of 10 easy lessons!
The nicest way I can say it is that Laws of Attraction has been made for people who don’t watch many movies, and need everything pointed out to them in big neon signs.
These two beautiful, unattached people wind up opposing each other frequently in the courtroom and the press – which in this movie has nothing better to do than obsess over the movements of divorce attorneys. In the process, these perpetual opponents gradually discover that…well, do I really need to finish that sentence?
See that Moore starts out with one of those wound-within-an-inch-of-their-lives hair buns, the type that looks like a plug to stop your brains from leaking out. Get it? She’s uptight. Then after Brosnan coerces her into one shot of liquor, impulsively she decides to try and drink him under the table, then has sex with him. The next day, talking to her mother, her hair is down. Her mouth says she has absolutely, positively no interest in this cad, this sly dog. But we know differently. We’re looking at her hair.
And how about that drunk impulsiveness? It later leads to them actually getting married – well, kind of, after which they agree to kind of act married (for the sake of that too-curious press), which leads to them kind of falling in love, again. The movie’s frequently-espoused moral is – whatever you do when you’re off your nut is how you actually feel, and if you don’t go along with it, you’re a big quitter.
Woods is constantly lunging towards Rafferty then retreating before she learns this lesson. It gets to the point that we become suspicious of yet another dewy-eyed close-up with Touching Music – we raise an eyebrow at the movie and ask – okay, so is she in love with him now? It’s astonishing how exhausting this becomes, particularly since the movie is only 87 minutes long.
Brosnan as Rafferty, however, gives us no such doubts. He seems to be in love with Woods before, technically, they’ve even met, and stays affixed to that. He expresses this love by frequently humiliating her, often in public – this is the typical way career-driven movie heroines are punished until their resistance crumbles. But Brosnan is charming enough to be forgiven since at least, we decide, he’s moving the story forward. Moore is shockingly devoid of the charisma which would ordinarily be Brosnan’s equal. Either she’s simply drowned in the effort to play an inconceivable character, or she’s been replaced by a Pod Person.
Not so hindered, though, are the supporting characters, who score the laughs while the leads are having an off night. Fisher is marvelously sassy. Michael Sheen and Parker Posey play a horndog rock star and his flighty clothing designer wife who retain those “never lose” divorce attorneys – both are so fantastically spoiled and obnoxious that the screen crackles to life at their appearance. And Brendan Morrissey is nearly worth the price of admission by himself in one scene as Mr. O’Callaghan, who explains in a very Irish way that, just because it’s Tuesday and he’s here, doesn’t necessarily mean he’s here on Tuesdays.
This happens during a long Irish sojourn that happens perhaps because so many romantic comedies happen in New York that they’ve run out of romantic locations. Ireland performs beautifully, as expected. Ed Shearmur provides the musical score, which sounds sly and ingratiating until the opening credits end, and thereafter behaves like over-sized emotional cue cards.
It is jarring how wide the gap is between what we are being told to feel and what we actually feel. It’s not that the movie is bad, it’s simply doomed from takeoff because of flawed design. Laws of Attraction begins life as someone going – isn’t that a great idea for a movie? And unfortunately, they went ahead and made it before someone had time to say – no, it isn’t.