Originally published 7/18/2005
Fantastic Four
Director: Tim Story
Writers: Mark Frost and Michael France, based on the comic book created by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby
Producers: Bernd Eichinger, Avi Arad, Michael Barnathan
Stars: Ioan Gruffudd, Jessica Alba, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, Julian Nicholson, Hamish Linklater, Kerry Washington
Fantastic Four is in a desperate rush to get started, but by the time it is finished, it’s still only beginning. Its makers subscribe to the theory that no character should be so deep that they cannot be fully described in one minute of groaning banter, and uses the time saved to flab out a plot whose climax amounts to a special-effects laden street fight.
This is a disappointing way to treat “the First Family of Marvel”, one of the most enduring creations in the world of superhero comic books. To see how low its ambitions are one need only look at Bryan Singer’s first X-Men movie, which was shorter, dealt with twice as many characters, had better jokes, gave you more reason to care about its heroes and villains, and managed to imperil millions besides. By contrast this is a sloppy and juvenile work, trading excitement and exuberance for posturing and dick jokes.
It opens with brilliant scientist Dr. Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd) and trusty pilot/engineer/all-around-tough-guy-sidekick Ben Grimm (The Shield’s Michael Chiklis) coming hat in hand to the Von Doom corporation for research funding. Victor Von Doom (Nip/Tuck’s Julian Nicholson) is Reed’s rival dating back to M.I.T., and relishes the chance to turn the screws on him. Still, he approves Reed’s proposal to observe and monitor a storm of “cosmic radiation” from an orbiting space station in the hopes of proving a similar storm somehow kick-started evolution on Earth.
Once approved they have six weeks to train, prepare, then blast into outer space in order to arrive mere hours ahead of the storm. This all sounds terribly exciting, and it might be, if they had filmed any of it. Instead, we cut right to them arriving at the space station once we have completed the roster of characters – cocky pilot/underwear model/motorcycle stunt rider Johnny Storm (Chris Evans), and his sister Sue (Jessica Alba), Reed’s ex-paramour, now Von Doom’s “Director of Genetic Engineering”. Alba the actress recently turned 24 and Sue looks to be that age as well; in a genre famous for its affirmative action program for hot blondes this really takes the biscuit.
Von Doom’s space station seems like a colossal waste, there is hardly any equipment to be seen, every room has mood lighting, and in a rather useless flourish of self-obsession it is shaped like a “V”. One hardly sees how the radical experiments Reed envisions could hope to be successful here. But whenever you combine radiation and comic book characters it is bound to go awry anyway. The team returns to Earth to find their bodies altering in severe ways. Reed becomes stretchy and rubbery, Sue can generate force fields and turn invisible (well, her clothes stay visible, meaning when she wants to sneak around it gets awfully cold), Johnny can fly and generate superhot flames, and Ben turns into that hulking, clobbering pile of orange rock known as The Thing.
Von Doom’s developing powers stay under wraps a little longer, but when they finally reveal themselves you would think that like any self-respecting villain he would start plotting world domination, or maybe some dastardly financial scheme to save his company from collapsing in the wake of the disastrous experiment. No, this megalomaniac, come to think of it, I don’t know that he deserves the “mega”, has far pettier ambitions. His character is drastically re-imagined from the way he is portrayed in the comic books, and it is hard to imagine how anyone could have considered this an improvement.
The Fantastic Four live a different life from the average superheroes because they have no secret identities – they don’t have to duck behind anything to put a mask on. They even make their address public – adoring throngs welcome them home after their first public heroism, then vanish completely the next day. Reed hopes to recreate the cosmic storm in his lab and reverse the process, Johnny wants to get on TV and get laid, and Sue the “Director of Genetic Engineering” mostly just frowns and harangues Reed about their relationship.
Ben, meanwhile, is a one-ton mope. When he reveals his new visage to his wife (Laurie Holden) her reaction lacks tact – she screams like a banshee and runs into traffic waving her arms. Plus, whenever the Four return to their penthouse lab, he has to take the stairs. This does not stop him later, though, from getting from the top of one skyscraper to another with shocking speed.
Director Tim Story tries ably with the action and makes something out of the unimaginative and frequently illogical sequences handed him; but you sense he is out of his element. He previously directed the better-than-expected Barbershop; but his one strength, interpersonal dynamics, doesn’t get much chance to work when the characters have no personality.
Each actor is given, at most, one note to play, and look as if they have been hired because they are inexpensive and pretty, save Chiklis, who shows good instincts for his character’s laugh bits. All the actors have much better work in them, although I’m not as sure about Evans – either he is a really good actor playing a grossly obnoxious character, or he is grossly obnoxious himself. In one scene he’s got cabin fever from hanging around the lab while Reed tries to cure them, so he sneaks out to perform stunts at a motorcross event. Wouldn’t you?
I can think of two purposes for this scene – neither of which has any impact on the story. One, it provides space for some stunt footage and cameos from motorcross riders – someone must have passed word to the producers that this is what the kids today are in to. Two, it creates an excuse for all our superheroes to pose in front of an enormous and lovingly-photographed wall of billboards for Sobe, X-Box and Burger King. Thank goodness we excised all that character development stuff so we would have time for this.
This is what the Fantastic Four have become in this adaptation, a brand name to be jammed into one studio’s “Summer Superhero Tentpole” slot. A way to keep the action figure machines pumping. This year has also brought us the dynamic and wonderful Batman Begins – put that and this movie together and it is hard for any superhero fan not to think – It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.