(So I joined a gym. Costco had a hell of a deal going. I realize I’m not alone joining a gym after New Year’s. But I’ve been a cliche before and I’m sure I’ll be a cliche again.)
I read an article on-line that said I should count the use of the gym’s hot water for my showers as part of getting my money’s worth from my gym membership. It also recommended I use the toilets there as often as possible. I suspect this is one of those “articles” for which the writer got paid $10 to slap together a mixture of 50% Google, 50% B.S.
I just got to the office after my first workout. For the record, it was a hair over 30 minutes on an elliptical trainer, followed by three brief strength exercises. At that point, I got hit with a wave of nausea, which I interpreted as my body telling me “this is a good stopping place”.
I discovered that I absolutely could not focus on anything having to do with writing while I was exercising. At first this concerned me, since the opportunity to wander around in my brain during these workouts had occurred to me as a possible benefit. But maybe the opposite is actually better – I think about writing problems all day, and it hasn’t made me successful yet.
The only other guy in the showers was wearing shorts. Maybe he’s a never-nude! I didn’t ask. I thought it might be awkward.
In the locker room after, I heard this conversation between two sixty-somethings sauntering in.
“I’m not old, you’re old! You’re old-fashioned; I’m push-button modern high-tech!”
“Yeah, you look high-tech.”
“Well you look like horse-and-buggy.”
“Least I never been hit by no car.”
“You look like you’ve been kicked by a horse. Right between the lookie-lookies.”
“Anybody got a gun? I got one already but I need one to put on him after I shoot him!”
“I must be getting old. Watch a whole damn football game and don’t drink but four beers and eat half a pizza. I must be getting old. Hey, look – I weigh 246! I lost some weight!”
“Didn’t you weigh 240?”
“Yeah, but that was a long time ago.”
Since I could never write anything that good, that’s how I know I’m getting my money’s worth already.